OMG! You’re about to meet the woman who will be carrying your baby.
As an intended parent, meeting your surrogate mother for the first time is bound to make you nervous, hopeful, and a little awkward at first. I mean, here is a woman who is willing to give a part of herself to you to make your life more joyful. A woman who is going to carry YOUR baby safely, and she is doing it all willingly. So, it is quite natural to feel nervous and excited all at once!
Mostly, the initial meeting is over a Skype, Zoom, or FaceTime video call; if everything goes well, a one-on-one meeting is arranged mutually by both parties. And as they say, the first impression is the last, so for this important meeting, you will surely need a guideline to help you prepare better.
We have formulated 7 PRO tips to get you ready and rolling to have a great first meeting with your surrogate and make you one step closer to actualizing your dream of having a baby of your own.
7 Tips for a Smooth First Meeting with Your Surrogate Mother
1. Research and Prepare
It is always good to have an idea about the person you are going to meet for the first time, and if it’s your surrogate who is going to give you the joy of your life, you better come prepared!
First off, read your prospective surrogate mother’s profile in great detail, even before going on a Skype or Zoom call. This will give you a general sense of her personality and things to talk about on the call. You’ll also get her overall vibe and know what to expect in your first in-person meeting, and you won’t be going in blind-sighted.
Moreover, before your meeting, sit down with your partner, and together you both can come up with a few questions that will better help you understand the surrogate mother as well as help you get clear on your requirements.
Finally, set a date, time and venue with your surrogate and then be on time. This is important as it sets the tone for the rest of the relationship.
2. Respect her privacy
While it is always a good idea to ask questions, there is a very thin line between asking questions and being inquisitive. You can discuss general topics like lifestyle, routine, profession, and talk about vision, goals, and expectations, but do not give her a specific list of instructions. Also, avoid questions that can make her feel uncomfortable.
The surrogate mother goes through extensive personal, psychological, and medical testing, so it’s unnecessary to discuss every little thing on the first meeting. We understand that being an intended parent, you want things to be right and just on-point from the get-go but there’s a time and place for everything, so have patience and trust the process.
3. Ask questions and value her input
The first meeting is all about light conversation and general discussions. Avoid sensitive topics like religion or politics and focus on topics like what made your surrogate choose surrogacy? What are their inspirations and aspirations in life? You can also talk about family, hobbies and overall lifestyle choices. We liked this list of conversation starters from Icebreaker Ideas.
Just be careful that you’re absorbing the information and not being judgmental about their answers. Most surrogate mothers are qualified women, so you need to value their input and respect any differences you may notice.
4. They are not doing it for money only
One of the most common misconceptions about surrogacy is that the surrogate is just doing it for the sake of financial benefits. This impression is misleading, so don’t let it cloud your judgment! Apart from the financial compensation, surrogates are women who have families of their own, and they want to help other families have a precious bundle of joy in their lives as well.
It’s usually an attorney’s job to handle financial and legal matters. There is no need for you to emphasize this aspect in your first meeting. When you don’t keep all of your focus on formal obligations, your conversation will start flowing freely, and the comfort level will rise automatically.
5. Communication is key!
That’s right! Communication is key in every sphere of life and surrogacy is no different. In this long journey filled with emotions and nerves, it is natural for the surrogate and the intended parents to work closely. An open and honest relationship is always better to make this long and tedious journey more pleasant.
Establish the communication pattern with your surrogate and keep her comfort level in mind while doing so. Ask your surrogate about her preferred way of communication, whether it’s phone calls, visits, or text messages. It is good to be on the same page as your surrogate, so everyone knows what to expect.
Surrogates have their own children and families to manage, so you can’t expect them to show up any time you want.
6. Give her space and opportunity to talk
Understandably, intended parents can be curious and want to know each and everything about the person who is to carry their child, but do not just ramble-on about yourself throughout.
Give your surrogate a chance if she wants to ask any questions and if she has any reservations. Let her see how you will be an awesome, accommodating parent to the child she is going to give birth to, and how you are fully committed to this surrogacy journey.
7. Be Yourself!
A genuine and understanding relationship is formed if two people stay true to themselves. There is no need to be nervous, just take a deep breath and act naturally. Ask your surrogate how you can be more accommodating to make her feel comfortable during this long journey together. These little gestures lay the foundation for a smooth and pleasant surrogacy journey.
The Final Word
Every intended parent has unique needs and expectations, but having a healthy baby in your arms after a nine-month-long surrogacy ride is the ultimate goal. To begin this journey the right way with your surrogate and to make that first impression more impactful, follow the guidelines above.
All in all, it is not mandatory to discuss each and every point in the first meeting. Take it slow initially, and you can always go deeper in later meetings.
We wish you a happy and fruitful surrogacy journey! For more tips on making sure your surrogacy journey is a smooth one, download Surrogacy Roadmap today!