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Surrogacy Roadmap | Your Go-To Resource for Independent Surrogacy

How to make the most of the first meeting with your surrogate

Embarking on the journey of surrogacy is a profound step for aspiring parents. Your surrogate is not just a carrier for your future child; she’s a partner in one of the most intimate and life-changing experiences you’ll ever have. The first meeting with your surrogate is a pivotal moment— it sets the stage for your relationship and the surrogacy process. This article will provide surrogate meeting tips to help you make the most of this initial encounter, whether it’s in-person or via virtual events and virtual meetings.

The Importance of the First Meeting

The initial meeting with your surrogate is about more than just logistics. It’s a time to establish trust, set expectations, and begin to form the bond that will carry you through the surrogacy journey. This meeting lays the foundation for open communication and a strong relationship, which are essential for a positive surrogacy experience.

Preparing for the Meeting

couple sitting on the dining table

Do Your Homework

Before the meeting, take time to learn about the surrogacy process and what to expect. Familiarize yourself with the surrogate’s profile, if provided by your agency. Understanding her background can help you find common ground and show that you are invested in her as a person, not just as a surrogate.

Set Your Intentions

Know what you want to get out of the meeting. Are you looking to understand the surrogate’s motivations, establish communication preferences, or discuss expectations around pregnancy and birth? Having clear objectives will help you steer the conversation productively.

Prepare Questions

Draft a list of questions to ask your surrogate. These can range from her experiences with pregnancy to her support system and how she envisions the surrogacy journey. Being prepared with questions shows that you are engaged and value her role in your child’s life.

During the Meeting

Create a Welcoming Atmosphere

Whether meeting in person or online, strive to create a warm and friendly environment. If meeting virtually, ensure that your technology is set up correctly and that you’re in a quiet, private space to avoid distractions and technical issues.

Practice Active Listening

Active listening involves being fully present in the conversation, showing empathy, and engaging with what the surrogate is sharing. This can build mutual respect and understanding from the outset.

Discuss Expectations and Boundaries

It’s crucial to talk about expectations and boundaries early on. Discuss communication preferences, the level of involvement you each desire during the pregnancy, and any other factors that are important to you. Being upfront about these topics can prevent misunderstandings later on.

Be Open and Honest

Honesty is the cornerstone of any good relationship. Be open about your feelings, fears, and hopes regarding the surrogacy process. Encourage your surrogate to do the same. This transparency can foster trust and a stronger connection.

Virtual Meetings: Tips and Etiquette

Virtual Meeting Setup

In today’s digital age, virtual meetings have become increasingly common, especially if you and your surrogate live far apart. Here are some tips to ensure that your virtual meeting is as effective as an in-person one.

Test Your Technology

Before the meeting, test your internet connection, camera, and microphone to avoid any technical difficulties that could disrupt the flow of the meeting.

Dress Appropriately

Even though you’re meeting from home, dressing neatly can show respect for the occasion and help you feel more confident and professional.

Use a Professional Background

Choose a neutral, clutter-free background or use a virtual background if necessary. This helps minimize distractions and maintains focus on the conversation.

Minimize Interruptions

Inform others in your home about your meeting to prevent unexpected interruptions. Turn off notifications on your devices to give your full attention to your surrogate.

Follow Virtual Meeting Etiquette

Mute yourself when not speaking to avoid background noise, use gestures or the chat function to indicate you want to speak, and maintain eye contact by looking at the camera.

After the Meeting

Reflect on the Conversation

Take some time after the meeting to reflect on the conversation. Consider what you learned about your surrogate and how you feel about the upcoming journey. This reflection can help clarify your thoughts and feelings moving forward.

Send a Thank You Note

A simple thank you note can go a long way in showing appreciation for your surrogate’s time and commitment. Whether it’s an email or a handwritten card, express your gratitude and excitement about working together.

Plan for Ongoing Communication

Agree on how and when you’ll communicate moving forward. Whether it’s regular email updates, monthly video calls, or a shared journal of the pregnancy journey, setting up a plan can help maintain a healthy and supportive relationship.

Navigating Challenges

Be Prepared for Emotions

Surrogacy can be an emotional rollercoaster. Be prepared for your own emotions as well as your surrogate’s. Having a support system in place, such as a therapist or a surrogacy support group, can be invaluable.

Stay Flexible

While it’s important to have plans and expectations, staying flexible can help you navigate any surprises or challenges that arise. Remember that the ultimate goal is the health and well-being of your surrogate and your future child.

Seek Professional Guidance

If any concerns or issues come up during the meeting or throughout the surrogacy process, don’t hesitate to reach out to your agency. Surrogacy roadmap has created an extensive eLearning platform to guide you through any and all of your concerns for guidance and support.


The first meeting with your surrogate is a significant milestone in your surrogacy journey. By preparing adequately, engaging sincerely, and fostering open communication, you can build a strong foundation for the relationship ahead. Remember to listen actively, be transparent, and maintain a level of flexibility throughout the process.

Surrogacy is a unique and profound way to build a family, and the bond you create with your surrogate can be one of the most rewarding aspects of the journey. With the right approach, your first meeting can be the start of a beautiful partnership and a successful surrogacy experience.

two women sitting beside table and talking

Building a healthy surrogacy journey takes time. Take it slow, follow these guidelines, and remember, you can delve deeper into discussions in subsequent meetings. For more tips on ensuring a smooth surrogacy journey, download Surrogacy Roadmap today!

We wish you a happy and fruitful surrogacy journey!

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